Tiant "Professor Mitch" Mitchell
As I sit here struggling to launch the second Father's Day Training Challenge (The Make-A-Felon-A-Father Challenge 2022), I am filled with the joy of being a father myself. Fatherhood is amazing....now! For years I bumped and bounced around utterly clueless about what to do, what to say, and what to really be. Quite frankly, I had no experience or idea of how to be a father.
To be honest, If I would of knew the nuance and importance of the true role of a father in the life, growth and development of a child, I probably wouldn't have been as eager to hop in the sack in the first place. But, too late! At the gun point of life circumstances and a burning desire to be a different parent to my children, I sought out the "experts," who have hundreds of years of collective experience. I had to learn as much as possible. To say that I was afraid to fail as a parent and ruin my children's lives wouldn't be too far from the thoughts and feelings that were simmering under the surface. I couldn't fail. That's what pushed me to be the best dad I could ever be.
Great! That's settled. There was only one problem: when I actually became a father biologically, I was on my way to prison to serve half of a century in the penitentiary! My daughter was six month when I was arrested and taken to jail. How in the world could I fulfill my promise to be a better dad now? How could I be a great father from a prison cell? There was no way. I was certain I would be a failure for sure, now. My daughter was bound to repeat the life of millions of women negatively impacted by fatherlessness.
Then I got my hands on a book by Meg Meeker. I gained a lot from her now cherished words of wisdom and encouragement to fathers. I was 25 facing over 25 but, I finally found hope! Mrs. Meeker's book inspired me, encouraged me and taught me, I could be a dad from anywhere, even in a prison cell. I began devouring everything I could get my hands on that was even remotely close to raising children...and I mean everything!
I started formulating theories and ideas. My imagination churned with electricity developing creative methods to impact my daughter's life specifically and my stepchildren's collectively. When I understood the tremendous significance of a child's experience (what they see, taste, hear, smell, touch, and think) on their ideas and concepts of life in general and themselves in particular, I knew that I had to create totally different experiences for my children than I experienced as a child. And doing it from prison wasn't a good start.
I sifted through my own childhood for more insight, paying particular attention to what I did and didn't experience and how my perception of the world got shaped. Long story short, I realized that I rarely see anyone reading, discussing positive thoughts or dreams and visions of what life could be. I was determined to provide these experiences (i.e., images, words,) for her on a consistent basis. Studying psychology, and child psychology in particular taught me the impact and importance of CONSISTENT experiences (for better or worse). Therefore, I decided that every time my wife brought my daughter to visit she would always see me reading a book. Even if I really wasn't reading it at that time, I made sure that she has seen me with it open and my head moving back and forth. I made sure reading was perceived as the normal and appropriate thing to do. This extended even to the words we used, emphasizing more positive, encouraging words of possibility than griping, gossiping, and/or complaining.
Throughout my studies, I encountered several psychological principles of behavior that I think every father should remember. I started this blog to share them and the not-so-perfect world of parenting with other parents, and other fathers. Stay tuned for the next one! Thanks!
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