CULTIVATING GREAT EXPECTATIONS IN CHILDREN
Once I received the three keys to cultivating expectations of greatness in my children from Clint-mitch, things started to change for me and my relationships with my biological & spiritual children. (Btw: I choose not to use "step" for anything, let alone to address my children. They're my children. Period.). Each step was important for its own reason. I found them extremely helpful. Maybe you will too.
In case you missed the last post, here are the three things I've learned to do as a patent to give my children the best shot possible to manifest their greatest version of themselves! If it's helpful for you, please let me know. If not, let me know as well:
CONSISTENTLY PROVIDE:
• Observable and Identifiable examples
• Expectation of greatness communicated through everyday experience.
• A supportive and encouraging environment to flourish.
1. Consistently providing observable and identifiable examples.
When I first came to the jail and began to learn what it took to be e greatest dad I could be, I devised a plan. I realized that my childhood home was fraught with a lot of drama and trauma, but virtually NO BOOKS! I don't remember ever seeing someone read a book beyond the occasional scripture when I was at grandma's. Not that it was done, but that I (the child) DIDN'T SEE IT! That lack of experience shaped and informed my relationship with - and expectation of - books. We don't read books. Books aren't that important to be and do "us". Books aren't needed to make it in the world or life! My young mind subconsciously concluded back then.
That's why before my daughter Tia'lynn was much older than one year old, I devised a way to provide observable and identifiable examples of books being read. She needed to experience books as a content presence (virtually ubiquitous), and infer the value of books as a part of our family culture and her identity specifically. Just before she and her mother Ikhana, would walk into the visiting booth of the Allegheny County Jail, I would crack open a book. Moving my head to simulate engrossing reading, I hoped to prep and prime her subconscious mind to create positive interpretations of the reality of books. I only feigned reading long enough for her to see me and her brain to recognize and record the experience. Once she noticed me and rattled her tiny knuckles against the glass between us, I feigned surprise, put the book down, and enjoyed our visits.
Today, nearly ten years later, I work to be an observable and identifiable example as much as I can. The emphasis is on being observable AND IDENTIFIABLE! (Full disclosure: it becomes much more challenging the older they get, but not impossible!)When it's not practical for me, create opportunities for them to explore observable & identifiable examples. I am not Beyoncé, nor am I as identifiable to little as she may be. It breaks my little dad's ego, but it is what it is. I work to find women of power, purpose, and passion to serve as observable & identifiable examples of excellence and greatness. If you want more information or would like help generating ideas to create O&I examples for your children! Send me a message on ProfessorMitchSpeaks.com or on social media: @ProfessorMitch_. You can also listen to our parenting podcast & YouTube show at Parent2ParentSolutions.com.
2. Consistently providing expectations of greatness through everyday experience.
This one is still challenging for me from prison. But, I'm determined to find a way or make one with what I have. Unbeknownst to many parents (including myself pre-research), our expectations for—and of—our children are communicated through their EVERYDAY experiences. I quickly learned this excludes the occasional pep talk or "you can do anything you put your mind to" speeches. Out of proper context, they become annoying. What does the totality of our children's experiences EVERYDAY tell them about the expectations for their lives, their ability, or their future? "No Professor Mitch," I have to remind myself, "This is not what YOU tell them with your words, that start to sound like white noise over time. What do their collective experiences communicate is expected of them? Greatness or Good enough?
I fought with myself in the mirror, asking " how can provide expectations of greatness through everyday experience from here? I have to be honest, it's a challenge. This system is not designed to foster such relationships. But yet, I paint - through communication - a vision of what's possible, not only through phone calls, letters, and visits only, but through the stimulating, engaging discussion we have during this time. On one hand, I engage my children to paint a vision for themselves, their desires, and their ideas and then brainstorm ways to manifest them. Hence, Tia'lynn's children's book, The Orange in an all vegetable school. On the other hand, I share my daily activities in pursuit of my own greatness, potential, and self-actualization in all forms. The highs, the lows, the setups, self-doubt, challenges, fear, frustrations, and how I continue to find a way to overcome them every day and push forward or make one.
I realize that greatness is not necessarily about being THE BEST or THE GREATEST per we, but being THE BEST and GREATEST YOU of all time. That requires a healthy combination of vision, desire, knowledge, and discipline to see it through. (That's where we parents and adults come in to help). I learned that my children often come equipped with a vision and/or a burning deep within. My job as a dad is to be there with them enough to discover it, challenge them enough to pursue it, and encourage them enough to keep pushing for their greatest self regardless of the lower expectations of other children around them. Why not be great?
3. Consistently providing a supportive and encouraging environment to flourish.
This one seems obvious and downright easy on the surface. But it is NOT! It's difficult in part because of the very first word: Consistently! I may be in prison, but like any parent, I have a lot to get done every day as well. Consistently providing a supportive environment doesn't mean hovering over our children's every move, gushing effusive praise, affirmations, or chants of "you can do it!" Well, okay, actually it does in a sense. Not with words. With actions. Actions really do speak louder than words.
In my book, Why We Really Do What We Do: Making Sense of Hate, Crime, Violence...and everything else humans do, I use the term "Permissive Expectancy". Permission Expectancy is the implicit expectation of ability communicated by permission to try. Children rise to the (implicit) expectations communicated by what people allow and encourage them to try to achieve. So why not permit - nay, EXPECT - them to be great? You never know what they just might accomplish in such conditions. Share your experiences with me and other parents in our Facebook group: Being Dad! (and Mom)!
Until next time, be encouraged to be great!
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